Traces in the sand

Jack gingerly opened the door to her room and stepped inside, careful not to make a sound. Wiping his sweaty hands on his jeans and trying to control his spiking pulse he slowly made his way to the bed.  The sight of her made him stop in his tracks as his chest constricted painfully. She was so pale. And she looked so vulnerable and lost in that big white bed. An IV was attached to her hand and a white band-aid covered part of her forehead. Carefully he eased down into the chair at her side, not wanting to wake her. He sat there for a moment, just looking at her, before felt strongly that he couldn’t suppress the urge to touch her, to convince himself that she was alright, that she was safe, that she was still there. With trembling hands he reached out to touch her. When he took her small, cold hand into his she opened her eyes and turned to look at him. He swallowed hard when their eyes met, the lack of expression in her otherwise so vivid blue eyes scaring him. Her gaze was hollow, distant almost and he wasn’t really sure if she recognised him, her face showing no emotion whatsoever.

He tried to smile, painfully aware of the fact that his emotions wouldn’t quite let him.

“How are you feeling?” he asked in a strangled voice that sounded oddly high-pitched in his ears.

 “Everything hurts” she whispered.

He pressed his lips together tightly to prevent the tears from falling that he felt building behind his eyes.

“I’m so sorry, Chloe” he whispered. “Do you…” He had to clear his throat.  “Do you want me to get you something against the pain?”

She feebly shook her head. “No.”

He opened his mouth to argue but thought better of it, as he knew it would be fruitless. Desperately trying to fight the panic that rose in his chest he simply nodded. Gently stroking her hand he suggested tentatively: “Try to get some sleep.”

She nodded, the exhaustion etched into her features. Her eyes darted away from his and around the room as if in search of something and Jack felt her tense. But then she calmed down as quickly and asked, her voice barely audible: “Will you stay?” He brought her hand to his lips before he whispered: “Of course I will. Just try and sleep.” Her eyes fluttered shut as she leant back into the pillows. He continued to stroke her hand as he watched her drift into sleep, waiing for her breathing to settle. First when he was sure that she was asleep he allowed for the tears to fall, one hand tightly clamped over his mouth in an attempt to stifle the sounds as his shoulders shook with suppressed sobs.

 
With eyes that watered of exhaustion Jack watched the night sky slowly change it’s colour as the hours crept by and the sun prepared to rise on the eastern horizon. He absent-mindedly kneaded his tight neck muscles as his tired eyes moved back to Chloe’s face who still was fast asleep. When he had to stifle the third yawn in a minute he decided to get a coffee. He didn’t want her to find him crumpled in the chair next to her bed when she awoke, passed out from sheer exhaustion. Gratefully he stretched his aching legs and sneaked out of the room.

He didn’t take long, feeling uncomfortable in leaving her but when he got back she was awake. He silently cursed himself for not being with her when she woke up as he again settled into the chair at her bedside. He tried to smile at her and felt how he got stuck halfway in his attempt, far too worried to hide it. She looked like hell although she had slept all night. Dark half circles had appeared under her eyes and she still was as white as a ghost.

“How do you feel?” he asked as he took her hand into his again.

"I wanna go home" she said, her voice almost toneless, her eyes as distant as the night before.

Jack swallowed, his mouth suddenly completely dry. She didn’t even ask where the baby was.

“Chlo, I don’t know…” he tried, hesitating.

“Please, Jack” she urged him, as desperate quality settling into her voice. “Just take me out of here, please. I just want to go home.”

He swallowed again, his eyes locked into hers. Before he could prevent himself he felt himself nod. “I’ll talk to the doctor.”

But before he could get up the door swung open and a friendly smiling nurse appeared in the doorway, a little pink bundle in her arms. Jack felt his pulse spike as he realised what the bundle was. Oh my god. “Good morning” the nurse greeted them cheerfully, stepping into the room and closing the door behind her. “I hope you got a good night’s rest, Ms. O’Brian” she said to Chloe, smiling warmly at her. Chloe looked at her, an unfathomable expression crossing her features as her eyes dropped to the little figure the nurse held into her arms. Jack’s chest constricted painfully as he watched her turn away with a decisive movement. The nurse frowned at Jack who couldn't but shrug helplessly, frantically searching his mind for the right thing to say. She gave him a small reassuring pad on the back before she said, keeping her voice light and friendly: “I bring back your daughter, Ms. O’Brian. It wasn’t easy to get the night shift to give her back, I can tell you” she chatted along. “Everyone over there just adores her, she’s so cute. But here we are.” As Chloe still kept her back to them she continued: “She’s had her milk and I just changed her diapers, so everything is taken care of. Perhaps it’s best if I put her into her bed, she seems to be a little sleepy right now.” She turned to move to the other side of them room but stopped half way. “Right, I forgot I took her bed with me yesterday. Let me just fetch it. Maybe the father would like to hold her for a moment?” Jack’s head snapped up and he dragged his eyes from Chloe’s back. He was too surprised by her assumption to actually argue that he wasn’t the father. He shot a nervous glance into Chloe’s direction but she still didn't show any signs of interest whatsoever.
Next thing he knew was that the nurse had placed the baby into his arms. Everything around him just faded into unimportance when he felt her wriggle against his chest. He drew in a shaky breath as fresh tears shot into his eyes. She was so beautiful. He missed the moved glance the nurse gave him and barely noticed that she gently squeezed his shoulder and informed him that she would be back in a minute. Bringing up one trembling hand he tenderly traced the tiny face with his fingers, watching in amazement as the baby girl wrinkled her forehead under his touch. For a second a small smile played around his lips. As he cradled the baby in his arms he allowed the wave of relieve that washed over him to chase away his worries for a second and silently welcomed her to the world.